5:42am

I cannot sleep, for

I cannot stop remembering

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i need a cup of coffee and toast to wake up

i need a cup of coffee
and toast to wake up

i need Vitamin C in my day
to wake me up

give me fermented lemon tea
and cream cheese to wake up
(but not together)
(though, i’ve never tried it)

i need water, lots of it
and ice to wake me up

brush my hair, i don’t need it neat
i just like the touch, the rhythm, the pull
to wake me up

my medication, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
of them, to wake me up

from this horrid, horrid
state of reality
that i cannot wake up from.

Writing at a small cafe
Gazing longingly at the
crumbs of my walnut cake
left over on the plate
My back to the window.

The sun is setting on the west
its hot rays baking my neck, my
shoulder blades a searing iron slate.

It’s beginning to become
kind of, unbearably hot,
kind of painful
There is no reason for me
to endure this fire
No test of gallantry
No need for punishment

There are rows of empty tables
swathed in shade,
empty seats like cool thrones–
I could easily, simply move.

6:14am

The kitchen light turns on

Its warm tone makes my translucent door glow

I wonder who it is, a little disturbed

Like the sanctity of my sleepless hours

Has been intruded upon by another unwanted

Gesture of reality.

Then I realize it is Baba

Boiling water and rummaging for a fork

And I realize it is already 6am

And he is packing up for work.

Suddenly I feel safe, a little cozy

He cracks open my door and as quietly as he can,

Shuffles into my bedroom

I bury my phone under my pillow, shut my eyes unrealistically tight

Baba turns off my fan, probably thinking I’m too cold

My feet are still too warm

But I don’t mind.

The four last hours I’ve lost lightly presses onto my chest– soft, reassuring hands telling me

It’s OK to sleep now.

The front door closes, he’s gone for work now.

I’ll see him in 10 hours–

For now, I rest,

The peeking sun casting patterns

Through my window blinds.