I’ve been contemplating lately as to what should be my first post of 2016. A year-end review of 2015? A gallery of photos framing each milestone of the past year? I thought about it, even making a lay-out of important events in my head like one lays out scattered snippets of paper before crafting a collage. But then I realized, it doesn’t really matter that it’s 2016. January 1st is just another ordinary day following December 31st. Time doesn’t obsess over itself, so why should I?
I view my life right now like my reasoning with campus coffee. The coffee here is not very good, and yet I still drink it. It is what it is. Not to say I don’t believe in change, in dialectics, in effort. I’ve just lost motivation to fight simple things. Maybe not lost motivation, but more that I’ve reasoned myself out of it. Sometimes people, places, things– things that I once held focus on shift to my peripheral vision, and sometimes without warning, leave my sight. And what can I do but move onwards? Again, not to say that I can’t just turn around, and it isn’t that I don’t care to pursue them. But I am grateful, and I’ve allowed myself to be moving, patient, and accepting.
This year is unpredictable, and I can’t promise myself it’s going to be the best, nor the worst. Things will come and go as they are and as they please, and all I can do is walk through it with careful hands– hands that gently take in the motions, and hands loose enough to let them go.
I am not unfeeling. I am nervous, I am in constant anticipation, I am still depressed, but in the now, I am hopeful. For now, I will continue to sip my coffee.