A lot of things are happening. Well, they aren’t happening quite yet, but they will soon, and the anticipation is overwhelming.
It’s summer break now, and I have this mass of empty time in my hands that I don’t really know what to do with. After five gruelling years of secondary school, I have now reached the breach between now, and the future. The future as in the post-secondary school life. I’m at a stand still in this gap dwindling in size as time passes, unsure of what I want to and should do.
First, I’d like to get a job. I’m aiming for the consignment store right across the street from my house, which has been hiring for years now. I’d like to earn some money so I can stop mooching off of other people. I guess this is the time and age I should start taking control of some of my own things. A job is also a good way to keep me productive, and prevent me from sleeping through my summer.
I’d like to get fit. Exercise, eat healthier. I mean, I play ultimate Frisbee but since I’m not part of an intense club anymore, I tend to get lazy while I’m on the field. I’m kind of setting myself New Years type goals, but it seems less of a cliché.
I’ve also been ruminating a lot about post secondary. I’m being scrutinized by most of my peers for not taking the full course load of 30 credits during my first year, as I’m only taking 8 courses. At first I felt pressured to do the same, but after speaking to some of my older friends, I feel more at ease with my decision. It’ll be less of a traumatizing transition between secondary and university. Also, instead of using a standard timetable, I’ve chosen to make my own schedule. I’m taking courses that I’m interested in, and hopefully ones I will grow a passion for. If not, at the very least, I hope to be glad I tried them anyway.
Summer is also a frightening time because it’s where my depression can kick in the hardest. It’s a little weird– you’d expect one to feel especially sad during the more dreary seasons, or when the workload is heavy. But for me, it’s when I have the most free time that I struggle to remain motivated. This current chasm in time that I drift in can easily swallow me up and tell me to sleep in, to not want to go outside, to not want to do things because I don’t have to. It is crucial for me to stay productive. Otherwise, my body shuts down into a hibernation mode, and it’s an ugly process trying to wake up.
Ah, so many things to do in such little time, and so many surreal things that are to occur very soon. It’s overwhelming, it’s daunting, it’s exciting, it’s thrilling.
THINGS ARE HAPPENING. And things are happening fast. I just hope I don’t just live through these events, but indulge in every moment.