I’m being bombarded by exams and projects and essays and and… and the list goes on and on. I don’t know what’s worse though: a steady and prolonging flow of stress, or a shot of one large dosage of high level stress.
It’s come to my attention that after I’ve returned to school from break, my imagination has gradually illumined. It strikes me as odd, though. Shouldn’t the pressure of studying, and the exhausting state of being in a frenzy leave my mind no room for my imagination to grow? My mind, though using much of its capacity and energy to focus on these exams, still seems to be alive with greenery and rumination. And more incredibly, it’s been more animate than when I’m dormant.
During my break I was very much uninspired. I slept, I ate, I spent my days leisurely because I knew I didn’t need to do anything. As a result, things became fuzzy. Time was non-existent, light and night had no distinction, and I was floating somewhere that did not allow challenges or opportunities of stimulation.
Now that I’m swarmed with extreme levels of stress, I find myself needing an escape. And I think this is where my imagination comes in. However, since I have so much to do in so little time, I realize that these blooming creations are in vain. I just can’t get myself to spare time for writing if it’s not for an essay; to give a little time to turn wonderful fabrications into a tangible image. It makes me sad. (Even as I write this blog post, I feel on edge, knowing I should be studying and doing something “productive”.) But I have been pondering during the in-betweens of academic work. It has become difficult to catch myself drifting off into far away lands, desperately gasping for air under the heaviness of my studies.
It’s easy to say, “take a break, you’re allowed to, you deserve it”. But there is so much pressure to get things done and to snap back into reality. Productivity has become synonymous to labour, and if you’re not working, you’re wasting your time.
It’s strange, is it not? That working can stimulate a wonderful imagination, while still suppress it.