I am afraid

Anxiety is eating me up.

This isn’t like my normal anxiety: I’m not shaking, my heart isn’t wildly beating, my head is not aching. This time, it is something in the gut, like a rising storm, a paralysing fear, a feeling of strong resistance towards tomorrow that makes me sick with the mere thought of it.

My job makes me drown in anxiety.
I have yet another therapy session.

I am irked by all the things that should seem by now mundane, a normality in my everyday. But I am so afraid of tomorrow. I just want to avoid the world, feel numb, bury myself so far into the ground where tomorrow does not exist. Where today, yesterday, time and the unknown do not exist. Where I do not exist. I am so afraid that I am not shaking.

I am so afraid that I am still. I am so still.

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